


murmurs of the heart

by orphan_account



Category: Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Medical, Doctors & Physicians, Hate to Love, M/M, blindfold, boring medical terms and situations, disclaimer: they switch positions in this au, mentions of sy's gun tattoo, might include medical inaccuracies, minor character (patients) death, mutual pining because seungyul are constipated dumbasses, pediatric resident!hangyul, pediatric surgery resident/fellow!seungyoun, x1 members show up as med students/hospital staffs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:46:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22334383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Cho Seungyoun is everything Lee Hangyul isn't. He's smart, he's going to be the youngest pediatric surgeon in the best hospital in Seoul... and now he hates Hangyul's guts.Hangyul hopes at least he'll be able to finish this rotation peacefully, with his heart intact.
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun & Lee Hangyul, Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Lee Hangyul, Hinted Kim Wooseok | Wooshin/Lee Jinhyuk, Hinted Kim Yohan/Song Yuvin, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Comments: 22
Kudos: 148
Collections: 99&UP Fic Fest





	murmurs of the heart

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [the taste of a sweeter life](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17084576) by [taeyomi (buttercream)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttercream/pseuds/taeyomi). 



> hi there!  
> dear prompter, I know it's already a flexible prompt, but as I write I couldn't help but think that I deviated too far from the prompt. I hope it's okay though...  
> the whole premise of residency/medical au, seungyul as compassionate geniuses (yet dumbasses when it comes to ~feelings~) are entirely self-indulgent and I hope everyone can still enjoy this.
> 
> please remember that I'm not a resident or a professional healthcare provider (yet) so there must be some inaccuracies down there that google can't fix... this is also not beta-ed because I'm a procrastinator who can't finish things on time T__T sorry for any kind of mistake in advance!
> 
> P.S. in this au, everyone is around 6-8 years older than their actual age  
> P.P.S. this is rated E for explicit smut scenes (and uh, they switch positions) so please mind those before reading!

_Most hospitals are mainly colored white; from walls to pillars to linens and coats, to ensure the establishment exudes purity and hope for patients,_ Hangyul’s mother once said when she gave a lecture during Hangyul’s hospital orientation program. Jaehyun, Hangyul’s ever-thoughtful older brother said it’s because white ensures the maximum contrast so it would be helpful for those with impaired vision. Hangyul thinks it’s decided that way just to make his life harder.

Hangyul, during his one year in eastern Busan usually talked to groups of elderly about the importance of maintaining healthy lifestyle. _Halmeoni, you should avoid drinking too much coffee, your blood pressure is already high as it is,_ he said repeatedly to Grandma Kim back then.

Funny how almost nobody in the residents’ room actually sticks to that principle. By five a.m., the poorly overworked coffee machine in the pediatric residents’ break room has already produced 20 cups of coffee: Two 250 mL cups for Hangyul, and 10 mL for Hangyul’s old white coat.

“No,” Yohan says flatly when Hangyul follows him to the nurse station. Hangyul groans. “I haven’t said anything, you asshole,”

Yohan guffaws. “I’m saying it just in case. I only have one white coat this week, you know some kid with bad food poisoning puked on me last week and the laundry said—”

Hangyul raises his hand, exasperated. “Okay, okay, got your point there,” Hangyul’s best friend smiles, eyes crinkling.

“Your brother doesn’t have extras?”

“He’s with Doyoung-hyung attending this fancy seminar in Japan,” the black-haired man sighs.

“I don't understand why you don't live with Jaehyun-hyung when you’re this dependent on him,” his friend pipes.

“Shut up, you _know_ why,” Hangyul rolls his eyes. He rests his head on the nurse station’s baby blue counter. It’s 20 minutes to six a.m. and he has visited all 10 of his patients, finished all the follow-up records; but he has to meet the Pediatric Surgery’s program director in less than two hours and he doesn’t even wear proper attire. Such good luck for his first external sub-department in second year.

While he rests his head on the cold glass of the counter, he doesn’t realize Yohan has gone off to visit his patients. He groans. “I’m dumb, am I?”

“Not really, no,” a higher voice with soft, almost airy quality answers. Definitely not Kim Yohan.

“Uh,” Hangyul places his head sideways and sat up straight when he sees who was talking.

“Are you okay, Lee Hangyul-ssi?” Cho Seungyoun, chief resident of pediatric surgery, a well-known genius, says.

“Umm,” Hangyul says, standing up to let the senior resident sit on the wooden chair. Seungyoun raises one of his perfectly drawn eyebrows, almost fox-like.

“Don’t say much, do you?” the taller man quips. “That’s not a good manner, at least that’s what Professor Lee told me,” Hangyul almost rolls his eyes. Professor Lee is the head consultant of Pediatric Surgery, and of course this guy has to remind him that he’s not good enough on his first day.

“I’m sorry, Doctor Cho, I was just not thinking straight,” Hangyul mumbles while bowing. Cho Seungyoun is three years older than him, probably a thousand times smarter than him, and this guy is going be the surgeon that he has to follow for the whole month.

“I already said you’re not dumb,” Seungyoun stops writing on the follow-up note. “You’re Jaehyun’s brother, right?” Seungyoun looks up and Hangyul has to refocus his vision to any place other than his face. _This guy wears fox-patterned shirt, how fitting,_ his mind supplies. The sharp-looking guy looks intimidating like this.

“Oh,” he answers stupidly. “Yes, I’m Doctor Jung’s younger brother, _sunbaenim_ ,”

“Well, you should at least learn to dress properly like your brother,” the older man glares at his non-existent coat. Hangyul gapes.

“I’m sorry Doctor Cho _sunbaenim,_ I spilled coffee on my coat this morning, I was just going around to search for a clean one,” he explains quickly while bowing.

The older resident’s lip corner twitches. “I have a clean one in the surgery residents' room,”

Seungyoun stands. “I’m gonna visit my patients. You’re lucky you’ve made no mistakes in the follow-ups, kiddo, or else I won’t even care,” he shrugs. “Take my coat and I’ll see you in the conference room at eight, _sharp_ ,”

Hangyul bows again, this time with reddened face and ears. “Yes, _sunbaenim_ ,”

✻

“He’s an asshole,” Doyoung, his brother’s fiancé grumbles on Hangyul’s phone screen.

“Doyoungie,” his brother, clad in brown coat, chides. “I’m sorry, Hangyullie, Seungyoun _is_ Seungyoun, I thought you’ve heard enough of Doyoung’s complaints in the last 3 months,”

“It is _not_ complaints! He thinks he’s better than me,” the dark brown-haired resident screams outside the screen, munching his donut. “Babe, he’s _literally_ your senior, he’s gonna graduate in year and he _will_ be your direct supervisor when that happens,” Jaehyun reminds him with a cackle.

Hangyul sighs. “I just have to accept my newly found fate as the rug under his feet, huh?”

Jaehyun’s eyes turn sad on his screen. “You’re not that lowly, Hangyullie,” his older brother reminds him. Hangyul’s eyes turn a bit hazy from unshed tears. Even after 20 years since his adoption, he still thinks he’s the luckiest child for having a kind older brother on top of getting such supportive, warm-hearted parents.

Hangyul grins, after all. “Thank you, hyung,”

“Mom was mad you didn’t tell her you’re going with Doyoung-hyung, anyway,”

His brother groans. “Mom thinks I’m gonna elope whenever I go abroad with Doyoung, it’s ridiculous,”

“Stop telling her everything, Hangyul-ah, that’s the only reason she still insists you to live with her,” his brother laughs. “Anyway, you know even Mom can’t make Seungyoun-sunbae’s life harder,” Jaehyun smirks.

Hangyul hums. The Chos owns chains of the nation’s best private hospital, he knows that.

“I know. I just… feel like I’m gonna do much dumber mistake in front of him,” Hangyul groans again. Doyoung pops up on the screen again, scoffing. “What, you already sound like you have a crush on him, Hangyul-ah,”

“Doie, please,”

“Hyun _gggg_ ,” The brothers respond at the same time.

Doyoung laughs next to the brown-haired neurosurgery resident. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. All I want to say is, you don’t really have to impress him, Hangyul-ah. You’re a pediatric resident, even if he hates you and makes you miserable, your subdivision’s final score is going to be intact in the end,”

“ _Not helping_ ,” his boyfriend dramatically whispers next to him. Hangyul tries to suppress his smile. The black-haired resident rolls his eyes. “He’s a good surgeon,” he huffs, “even though I don’t really want to admit it, he’s one of the finest residents I’ve ever met. And I probably should’ve learned from him back when I was still a new resident, but he has this tough love to everyone, Hangyul-ah,”

Jaehyun smiles wistfully. “What Doyoung is trying to say, is that despite whatever happened today, we think he can still be a good mentor for you,” Jaehyun encircles his arm around the still-grumpy pediatric surgery resident. “And I think you should just prove yourself next time. Seungyoun- _sunbae_ is not mean, Doyoung is his fan after all,” he cackles in the end. Doyoung rolls his eyes again, but this time he’s smiling.

“Thank you, Doyoung-hyung _’_ s walking translator and Seungyoun- _sunbae_ ’s number one fan,” Hangyul says in the end. The couple waves their goodbyes and finally, Hangyul is alone in the pediatric resident’s room. He lays down on the upper bunk and stares at the window next to the bed.

It’s not like Hangyul is not familiar with this specific feeling of inadequacy. He’s a much wanted addition to a family of accomplished doctors and a genius son—he spent 10 years after entering the Jung’s mansion feeling like he’s not good enough. He worked so hard to enter medical school even though he’s not really the best student in his private, prestigious science high school. His brother always told him that their parents would let him be anything he wanted, but when his ankle broke after his last Taekwondo championship in high school he knew being a doctor was his fate.

 _Feeling inadequate next to Cho Seungyoun sounds like a normal thing,_ Hangyul thinks.

✻

_Handling intensive care for such young souls will truly take a toll on someone,_ Hangyul’s father said. As a professor of pediatric anesthesiology, Hangyul thinks his father knows that best.

The pediatric ICU is always quiet, save for the beeping sounds from the machines. Hangyul watches the 2-year-old boy who’s sleeping on the solitary bed. The kid has had peritonitis and bowel adhesion and just got out of surgery this afternoon. He’d probably be suffering in so much pain now if Hangyul didn't give adequate painkillers. His parents have been sleeping in the family’s waiting room for a week. Too bad there’s no painkiller for heartache, or else Hangyul would gladly give it to them.

“Doctor Lee! Are you in PICU rotation now?” Dohyon, the young nursing student that’s been stationed in the pediatric unit calls him when he stands in front of the nurse station.

“You don’t usually call me Doctor Lee, Dohyon-ah,” Hangyul teases. The student looks sleepy. It’s 10 PM now, and Hangyul is doing his rounds to do follow-ups. There are patients that need to be given electrolyte corrections, perioperative re-assessment, or blood transfusion orders since they are going for surgery the next day.

“I was kinda scolded by Nurse Park yesterday for calling Doctor Lee with Eunsangie-hyung,” Dohyon sniffs.

Hangyul laughs. Dohyon is handling kids but he’s also very child-like sometimes. As someone who spent years having little brothers and sisters in the orphanage, he thinks he misses having a little brother that looks up to him.

“I’m currently in _ped_ surgery, it’s an external rotation, Dohyon-ah,”

“Ahh, so you’re shadowing Seungyoun-hyung? He’s the chief, right?”

Hangyul’s eyebrows rise. “Seungyoun- _hyung_?”

Dohyon stops doodling on some stray prescription paper. “Yeah, he asked me to call him hyung!”

Hangyul stops writing on the follow-up. “He must like you a lot, then,”

“His apartment building is across my dorm, so he usually lets me go home with him since my motorcycle is broken,” Dohyon taps his fingers on the table.

“Hyung,” Dohyon calls him out of his stupor.

“Huh? Yeah, Dohyon?”

“You’re thinking too loud even when you’re quiet,” Dohyon cackles.

✻

“So Doctor Cho let Dohyon buy pork ribs with his black card?” Yohan asks with his mouth full of sandwich.

“Disgusting,” Hangyul offers a yellow napkin in front of his face. Yohan slurps his cola.

“Also, yes, he also drives him home whenever he can,” Hangyul affirms.

Yohan laughs a bit. “Your face,” he slurps his drink again, “You look like you’re jealous, which is absolutely ridiculous. Dohyon is a kid, and we all like to spoil him,” he points to Hangyul. “And you’re a second-year pediatric resident who has nothing to do with Doctor Cho’s love life,”

“So tell me, do you have a crush on him?”

The brown-haired resident rolls his eyes. “No, _you’re_ ridiculous. He’s my senior so I think I’m kinda curious? He’s this scary, super smart surgeon, yet he’s so soft to Dohyon? I think I believe in that kid’s judgment, if he thinks Doctor Cho is actually very soft-hearted then maybe I’ve been seeing it differently,”

“You’re very concerned about this, huh?” Yohan drops his BMT and smiles, almost knowingly.

“Do you remember first semester when you’re scolded by shitty Jeon in front of that leukemia patient?”

Hangyul groans. “Shut up, that patient still smiles apologetically at me whenever we meet in the clinic,”

Yohan sighs. “I mean, you didn’t care about Doctor Jeon’s feelings nor you care about his actual personality. You told me you just believe that you have to be kind, even though we both know you didn't do anything wrong back then,”

“This is different,” Hangyul circles the rim of his soda cup.

“Exactly,” Yohan intercepts. “You’ve been talking about Doctor Cho for like, two hours now. This is different,”

Yohan dips his BMT to the sauce. “I’m saying this so that you’re aware,”

Hangyul pouts. “Aware of what?”

“Aware that you’re probably feeling different about Doctor Cho. And maybe, just maybe, you’re not afraid of _him_ , but you’re afraid of falling for him,”

“You’re sickeningly cheesy, is this because of Yuvin-hyung?”

Now it’s Yohan’s turn to roll his eyes. “You, and your tendency to divert the conversation when it’s about your love life,”

“What? I’m just very concerned about yours,”

Yohan laughs, slightly restricted. “I forgot to tell you,”

“He asked me the question over the weekend,” Yohan pulls out a velvet pouch from his pocket.

Hangyul’s eyes enlarged. “You dumbass, and _now_ you just remember to tell me? What did you even say?!”

“He’s in Japan now, you know,” Yohan’s eyes wander to the Subway’s shop front window. “I was kind of stunned when he popped the question, so I… laughed? Cackled frantically,”

“Idiot,” Hangyul groans.

“I know! But he said he sort of knew I’d be surprised. It was really casual, you know, we were watching re-run of _Busted_! on Netflix and he kinda… asked me to move? Which was stupid,” Yohan heaves. “I said, move where? He said, move into a new chapter with him, which was,” he shivers. “Extra cheesy, but you know him, he’s an annoyingly handsome cheeseball, and he just pulled out this ring and asked me to marry him,”

Yohan’s eyes suddenly turn glassy. “This is where it gets a bit… scary, you know,”

Hangyul pushes another yellow napkin to Yohan’s hands. “I was stunned and froze for like, three minutes, and I sort of… cackled, slightly?”

“I told him ‘this is not a good time’ in panic, and he said, he knows,” Yohan started sniffling. “But he said he looked at me, sitting in his apartment, and he said it’s what he wanted to have in the future, me and him watching re-runs of Netflix—our ambitions and obligations blurred in the background,”

“And he said he finally realized he loves my flaws, even though sometimes I can’t see past it. So it’s not a good time, he said, but it was the time he realized he wants to love me for as long as I let him,”

Hangyul feels his eyes moistening.

“I don’t think I deserve him, and as I took this and said that he has to wait for my composed answer, I still think I don’t,”

“But as you talk about Doctor Cho’s kindness, I realized I want to see Yuvin-hyung’s random act of kindness for many more years,” Yohan laughs, a single teardrop falling from his crinkling right eye.

Hangyul buries his head on his best friend’s right shoulder, as he pats his eyes for pooling tears. “So you’re gonna say yes,” Hangyul whispers.

“I want to,” Yohan smiles. The Subway outlet is quiet since it’s past dinner hours. “But how do I know it’s because I want to marry him, or is it because I’m sorry that he’s been waiting for my ambitions and dreams to die down? Is it… because I’m afraid he’s tired of cautiously waiting for me to wish for a marriage?”

Hangyul pats Yohan’s arm warmly. “I know you, and that’s something you need to find out yourself. Maybe deep inside you already knew, Yohannie, and sometimes knowing yourself that deeply is a gift,”

Yohan laughs without humor. “Thank you, Lee Hangyul, that’s very insightful,”

Hangyul smacks the black-haired resident. “Yah, I’m being serious,” he starts cleaning their table. “Go fetch Yuvin-hyung from the airport this weekend and tell him exactly that,”

As Hangyul stops his car in front of Yohan’s house, his phone rings. A single text from Dohyon; a photo of Seungyoun driving with caption: _‘Kkkkk see hyung? Seungyoun-hyung picked me up after my afternoon shift!!! We’re eating bibimbap near my house, you should try!!!’_

Yohan smiles at him. “You’re staring too hard. He’s not gonna pop up here suddenly,”

Hangyul rolls his eyes. “Shut up, lover boy,”

When his car pulls up to his driveway, Hangyul finally clicks ‘Save Image’.

✻

Hangyul _runs_.

Seungyoun already texted him at 5 a.m., saying that they’re going to start their rounds from the PICU at 5:30 a.m. Yet he’s here, at 5:45, still running. When he sees Seungyoun, he’s panting. “I’m so sorry _sunbaenim ,”_ Hangyul bows, chest still heaving.

“Why are you sorry?” Seungyoun leans on the station.

“My night shift was prolonged so I didn't catch your message, I thought we were going to start at 7,”

“That doesn't answer my question,”

“I’m sorry,”

“No, it’s fine,” Seungyoun clicks his pen and starts signing the follow-ups. “I know how hard it is for second-years like you. You’re sort of responsible but your senior’s more responsible, you’re kind of useless yet the first-years and interns are more useless,” Seungyoun laughs.

Hangyul scratches the back of his neck, not knowing what to say.

“Thank you, anyways. It’s a breath of fresh air to see nicely written follow-ups. Maybe it’s better to have _ped_ residents shadowing me around than general _surg_ residents,”

“Ah, it’s nothing, _sunbaenim_ ,”

Hangyul prefers doing morning rounds at 7 AM, when the station is bustling with people—morning shift nurses coming in, students running behind residents and fellows, junior residents busy carrying folders and follow-ups. The wards in ungodly, critical hours like this are quiet. The other residents are busy, sleepily filling follow-ups and papers. Hangyul stands, looking intently at the wooden-plastered wall.

“Hmm,” Seungyoun hums. Hangyul fidgets next to him.

“Why did you order peripheral blood smear and blood culture for this one?” The black-haired man points to the patient’s name on Hangyul’s patient list.

“Well, I was concerned because the leukocyte count dropped below 6… and he’s been having high fever for two days now. The heart rate is slightly raised even after I’ve given him painkillers and I can’t find other causes of his anemia other than an infection. If the blood test is normal then maybe we have to do a consult,”

“You think this boy got sepsis?” The chief resident’s eyes are focused on him. Hangyul gulps.

“Umm, well, I think there’s still a chance for that, _sunbaenim_. It’s not that I suspect that there’s something wrong with the surgery, but…”

“Good thinking,” Seungyoun cuts. “He had a history of pneumonia before he came with perforation, there’s a huge chance for him to catch sepsis,”

“Uh,”

Seungyoun turns around. “You’re not used to compliments, are you?”

“Ah… thank you, _sunbaenim_ ,” Seungyoun smirks and starts walking towards the PICU door. He changes his shoes into a pair of orange rubber shoes.

“It’s a shame, really,” Seungyoun hums. “This is my first time to be shadowed by a pediatric resident, by the way,”

“Most surgery residents eat compliments like it’s their daily snack, even when they don't really deserve it. It’s a stark contrast with you. Is it a ‘you’ problem or is it a ‘ _ped_ residents’ problem?”

Hangyul puts on a pair of electric blue rubber shoes. “It’s a ‘me’ problem, I think,” he whispers, putting his sling bag on the table. Seungyoun turns to him. “Yeah, I can see that,” he says, in a tone that’s barely brushing a point of intimacy.

“Seungyoun-hyung!” Dohyon comes in through the nursing staff door. He’s still wearing his night shift scrubs.

“Dohyon-ah!” Seungyoun answers excitedly. “Why do you have so many night shifts, kiddo?”

Dohyon pouts. “My parents are forcing me to go with them to a 2-weeks holiday in Busan next month, so I have to take more shifts to cover for my absence,”

“Poor kid,” Seungyoun laughs. “How’s the post-laparotomy patient last night?”

“She’s awake now, the drain fills up nicely and she’s been asking for biscuits,” Dohyon smiles.

“Oh, Hangyullie-hyung already visited her last night, hyung,”

Seungyoun turns. “Really? In the middle of your ER shift?”

“Well, yeah, I had to put her identity to the patients’ list,” Hangyul sheepishly says.

Seungyoun smiles. “Doctor Lee,” he says. “Grab yourself some coffee and a snack bar, I’ll be here waiting,”

“Here’s your americano, Doctor Cho,” Hangyul offers.

“I didn't ask for this,” Seungyoun raises his eyebrow.

Hangyul smiles coyly. “You’re not used to free coffee, are you?”

Seungyoun laughs. “Alright,” he takes the cup. “So we’re going to the Camellia Ward?”

“Yes. The 7-months old baby with anal atresia? I think she’s ready to go home,”

“Good,” Seungyoun nods.

When they arrive, the baby’s parents look happy. “Doctors,” she says, smiling.

“I think Byullie is ready to go home~” Seungyoun singsongs, tickling the baby who’s sleeping in the crib.

“Is there any complaint, Madam?” Hangyul asks, flipping the chart and filling the resume.

“No, she’s been eating really well, too. I’d like to thank you both for taking care of Hanbyul so well,”

The baby laughs at Seungyoun’s funny faces. “Oh, she really likes to be carried around,” the father refers to her baby’s reaching hands.

“Is she?” Seungyoun says sweetly. “May I?” When the mother nods, Seungyoun starts carrying her on his arms. The baby laughs.

“She seems to like you a lot, Doctor Cho,” the mother notes. Seungyoun laughs. “Ah, I must look like some funny _ahjussi_ to her,”

“ _Aigoo_ , you’re definitely going to be a good father, Doctor,” the mother says, coddling her baby’s smiling cheeks.

Hangyul, who’s watching the interaction intently, stands there on the corner. There’s this indescribable feeling in his chest that’s quite close to adoration, seeping from the beats of his heart. Hangyul knows Cho Seungyoun is attractive, he knew even when he’s still in medical school, looking at this one senior with mustard-colored Vans and sweater that’s studying in the library. _Out of reach,_ his friends always said, when the senior with this expensive glasses and even more expensive shirt talked about anatomy in front of them. _Out of reach,_ his brother’s boyfriend says in passing whenever they meet him in the hall.

But this time, Cho Seungyoun’s warmth reaches his heart, and he doesn't know what to do.

“Good job today,” Seungyoun says, stopping in front of Pediatric Surgery Department’s discussion room. “I’ll report the new patients, and maybe Professor Choi will visit later. I’ll text you,”

“I’m sorry for not accompanying you,”

Seungyoun hums. “There’s that unneeded sorry again,” he says. “You should stop saying sorry for something you can’t avoid. That habit should stop when you graduated from medical school,”

Hangyul opens his mouth, unsure. Seungyoun smiles. “You can have your opinion, Doctor Lee,"

“I say sorry because I want to,” Hangyul says. “I feel bad for not helping you reporting just because I was asked to do something by my senior so suddenly. It’s not that I do it because I have to, I just feel like it’s better for me to say sorry. It eases my mind,”

Seungyoun stares at him, almost tenderly. Hangyul doesn't want to understand what it means. “I understand. But wouldn't it be better if you say ‘thank you for agreeing to do this alone’, rather than some inevitable ‘sorry’?”

Hangyul hesitates. “Thank you,” he chooses in the end.

Seungyoun grins. “For what?”

“For giving me an option,”

Seungyoun taps Hangyul’s shoulder, brushing off invisible dust. “You’re a good person, Doctor Lee. You deserve it,”

✻

“Hyung,” Hangyul says, leaning on his brother’s apartment kitchen table. His brother stands next to him, wine glass in hand.

“Yeah?” Jaehyun puts his glass on the table.

“Do you know why Mom didn't change my surname?”

His brother hums. “I think it’s because she wanted to give you an option,” his brother turns to the window across them. “I don't think you remember, but instead of just taking you away from the orphanage, Mom and Dad asked you if you want to go or not,”

“And I think they kind of stick to that principle. Mom asked me a million times when I graduated high school, ‘do you really want to be a doctor? You don't feel obligated to do this, right?’” he crosses his arms, smiling. “We’re lucky, you know. Some of my friends didn't get that privilege,”

“Why are you asking, anyway? Does it bother you, somehow? Or did it give you a hard time?”

“No,” Hangyul laughs. “I think the fact that I’m fully aware that I’m adopted made me safe in school. My friends respect it, even. I’m happy I’m still a Lee, despite whatever happened. I still think I don't deserve a Jung surname,”

“Hangy—”

“This is not me trying to deprecate my own worth, hyung. I just feel like I don't want to change who I am or my history,”

Hangyul hums. “Someone told me I deserve to have options today,”

“That’s kind of cute. Is it a girl?”

“Hyun _ggg_ ,” Hangyul whines.

“I’m not kidding, not really,” Jaehyun laughs. “But having that kind of person in your life is a gift,” he pushes a carton of banana milk to Hangyul’s hand and sits on the sofa across the window.

“Marriage is similar to that, right? Instead of dictating our partner’s path, we need to give and pick options—communicating and discussing where to go. Even if we have to climb different ladders,”

“You’re sappy today. Very-Doyoung-hyung like,” Hangyul comments, sitting next to his brother who’s already clad in loose T-shirt and training.

“Maybe it's because I’m going to marry him,” Jaehyun answers back nonchalantly. He pulls out a necklace, with a ring hanging on it.

“You’re finally eloping,” Hangyul says with a touch of mirth. Jaehyun laughs. “Sort of,”

“Really?” Hangyul laughs this time.

“We’re getting in married in Doyoung’s house in Guri next month,”

Hangyul laughs, this time louder. “Yah, hyung, Mom must be fuming,”

“I know Mom wants me to get married in Shilla,” Jaehyun smiles. “But Doyoung’s house has this very huge backyard with garden on it. I knew that I wanted to marry him since we were just broke students who wished to erase our family names, and I think it’s more fitting that way,” Jaehyun sighs. “After all, Mom would let us pick our own options, right?”

“Right,” Hangyul taps his brother’s arm. “I’m really happy for you, hyung-ah,”

“I’m glad, Hangyullie,” Jaehyun smiles. “Doyoung’s coming from Gyeonggi tomorrow, I’m planning to tell Mom and Dad,”

Jaehyun punches his brother’s shoulder lightly. “Prepare your best man speech, little brother, I’m getting married,”

✻

“How many patients do we have today, Doctor Lee?” Seungyoun pops up next to him so suddenly.

“Twelve, Doctor Cho,” A small, poodle-haired medical student answers. Seungyoun stares at the student’s hand that’s carrying Hangyul’s bag.

“Hello, Doctor Cho, I’m Hyeongjun, the intern who’s assigned in this ward,”

“He’s been helping me listing patients, _sunbaenim_ ,” Hangyul explains.

“Alright,” Seungyoun coughs a little. “Here’s your iced americano,” he offers. Hangyul stares at the plastic cup. “Ah, thank you,” he says awkwardly.

Two interns, Minhee and Dongpyo suddenly run toward them. "Yah Hyeongjunnie, Prof. Joo is calling us! Quick!" The tall student taps Hyeongjun and quickly bows when he sees Seungyoun and Hangyul. Hyeongjun groans and pulls Hangyul’s coat a little to gain his attention. “Hangyul-hyung, I’m going off, okay? Thank you!”

After the student stormed off, Seungyoun starts signing the charts. “You must be famous in pre-clinic,”

Hangyul laughs. “Not really. I only had one close friend, and I’ve known him since high school,” Hangyul explains.

“At least interns love you,” Seungyoun says again, staring at Hangyul.

“You do know that pediatric residents are sort of required to assist and teach interns, right? For some kind of extra credit,”

“Oh,” Seungyoun caps his pen and clears his throat. “So we’re starting with Room 1, right?” Hangyul nods.

“Thank you for the coffee, _sunbaenim_ ,” Hangyul says in passing while opening the ward’s door.

Seungyoun stands next to him and turns in the middle of the aisle. “You’re welcome,”

✻

Hangyul hurriedly puts on PICU’s green disposable scrubs and gloves. The machine beeps even louder now and the nurses crowd around the baby who just arrived from the OR’s recovery room an hour ago. “One more ampoule,” Doctor Lee Chaerin, the pediatric anesthesia fellow barks.

“Doctor Lee, please help Nurse Park with bagging,”

Hangyul quickly switches position with Nurse Park.

“Stop the compression,” Doctor Lee commands. The monitor shows asystole rhythm.

“Dammit, go again,”

After two more cycles, the monitor still shows no response. “How long?” She asks sadly. “32 minutes, Doctor,”

The parents are crying outside the room. Hangyul sighs and gives the Ambu mask to the nurse next to him. “Please continue, Doctor Lee, I will try to educate the parents,” he walks out to meet the pale-looking couple.

Hangyul knocks the surgery residents’ chief room. No answer. He knows Seungyoun just finished operating the last patient of the day. He opens the door quietly.

Seungyoun sits on the lower bunk bed, looking at the window across the room.

“What did Chaerin-noona think?”

Hangyul sets his mouth in a thin line. “Hypothermia, most probably. In children with sepsis, it could be critical,”

Seungyoun nods. Hangyul walks nearer to the bed. Seungyoun looks up, seemingly surprised with the proximity.

“You did everything you could, though. She came with septic shock, the prognosis was bad from the start,”

Seungyoun turns his head to the window. The sky looks like it’s painted with promises of love—pink hued, tinted red. He’s still wearing dark blue scrubs, looking tired.

“Not good enough reason to be at ease,” he mumbles.

“I don't know what to say. You’re much more experienced than me at this,” Hangyul whispers, standing directly in front of the sitting resident.

“Experience does not lessen my sadness, though. I’m still sad,” Seungyoun mumbles again.

“Valid,” Hangyul affirms. “But please believe in me, we all did whatever we could, you did your best. Sometimes, it’s enough. We try to heal, to save, but souls are never ours to hold,”

Seungyoun looks up, eyes glassy. Hangyul’s heart breaks. “It’s been a tiring day,” Seungyoun sighs.

“I know, _sunbaenim_ ,”

“Hyung,” Seungyoun rests his head on Hangyul’s stomach. Hangyul stiffens, not knowing what to do.

“Huh?”

Seungyoun chuckles, and Hangyul feels there’s a single drop of water seeping through his shirt.

“Call me hyung,”

“What?” Hangyul feels his chest tightening.

“I don't cry in front of strangers,” Seungyoun closes his eyes. “I think if I let myself show my true emotions in front of someone, I’m also letting that person to know myself better,”

The surgeon raises his head, black eyes meeting amber ones. “Call me hyung, yeah?”

Hangyul nods. “Yeah… hyung,”

Seungyoun stands from his position, startling Hangyul. The man with the white shirt steps back a little.

“Go home, Hangyul-ah,” Seungyoun wipes his red-rimmed eyes. “It’s been a tiring day for you too, I guess,”

“Yes, hyung,”

When Hangyul reaches the door, he turns back. “Hyung?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for enduring such hardship today,” he grips the door handle with his fingers.

Seungyoun smiles at him, and even from this distance Hangyul can feel his fondness.

“I’ll be fine, Hangyul-ah. Go worry about something else,”

“Good afternoon, hyung,” Hangyul hesitates. “See you tomorrow,”

“See you,” Seungyoun waves his hand.

✻

**Cho Seungyoun (SNU Ped Surg Fellow)**

**3:02**

_Hangyul, can we start our visit earlier? I’m taking my day off tomorrow after this night shift is over_

**3:05**

_Sure, hyung. What time?_

**3:05**

_Does 5:30 sounds okay to you? I have this urgent laparotomy in 10 minutes kkk_

**3:06**

_Alright, see you then_

**3:07**

_Thank you_

**3:09**

_No need to thank me_

_Good luck on the op_

_Not that you need it, though, you're very capable_

**5:05**

_I’m just finished_

_Thank you for your wish though, the kid is stable now_

_See you in 25 minutes?_

**5:09**

_I’m omw_

“Do you have the CT results?”

“Yeah, here you go,” Hangyul puts the film on the viewer. The viewer is placed a bit high.

“What do you see?” Seungyoun steps and stands behind him. Hangyul can feel his breath on the back of his neck.

“There’s a solid mass... here,” he points to a slide. “I’m afraid the fracture on his radius is actually a pathologic fracture,”

“Have you tried consulting to the orthopedic residents?”

“I told them we don't have any more treatment plan since the his abdominal trauma is cleared. They said this case could be handed over to them,”

“Okay,” Seungyoun sighs. “Poor kid,” he whispers, still behind Hangyul. Hangyul can feel his breath and it almost tickles.

There’s a new sensation on Hangyul’s right shoulder. A kiss. Probably a kiss, a kiss that lasts a second on his coat-clad skin.

Hangyul can feel Seungyoun’s body heat going away. “We’re good for the day. Professor Choi and Lee are in Europe, if there’s no new patient then I think you’re dismissed for the weekend,”

Hangyul stands there, awkward. Seungyoun coughs, looking everywhere but Hangyul’s face.

“Okay,” Hangyul nods and turns off the X-Ray viewer.

“Uh, see you?”

“Alright?”

Hangyul walks home with a shadow of a smile, a fox-like smile.

✻

The surgery residents’ break room door swings open as Hangyul walks out from the bathroom. Panic enters his system, as he’s still shirtless and slightly damp from his earlier bath.

“Hangyul?” Of course Cho Seungyoun has to catch him sneaking into the surgery residents’ break room. Just his luck.

“Hi… hyung?” Hangyul wordlessly puts his towel in front of his chest.

“What… are you doing here?” Seungyoun just has to stand in front of the sofa, where his bag lies.

“I just finished my night shift and the bathroom in the pediatric residents’ room is broken, so I came here?” _That sounds stupid, Hangyul,_ his mind supplies.

Seungyoun raises his eyebrows.

“I already told Seungwoo-hyung!” Hangyul says in panic. The orthopedic resident was on night shift last night, there’s no way that sounds like a lie. He closes his eyes, bracing for another question.

When he opens his eyes, however, Seungyoun looks tense. His eyes are oddly glazed, staring at Hangyul’s… body? His cheeks and ears look slightly red, too.

“Hyung?” Hangyul calls.

Seungyoun clears his throat. “Yeah?”

“You okay? Are you having a fever?”

Seungyoun quickly looks up. “You know Seungwoo-hyung?”

Hangyul nods. “We were about to have breakfast together after our shifts but he had to do some urgent ORIF,”

“Okay,” Seungyoun’s voice sounds strangled.

“Can you… please move? My bag is behind you,” Hangyul grabs his towel and puts it on the coffee table. Seungyoun turns with him as he rifles through his bag for fresh shirt.

“You have a tattoo,” Seungyoun notes.

“Huh?” Hangyul turns.

“Ah, yeah. I thought the design was pretty. Not sure about that now, though, I don't usually flaunt it because it kind of ‘stains my reputation’ or something,” he says, complete with the air quotes.

“It looks good,” Seungyoun nonchalantly comments. His eyes are still fixated somewhere between Hangyul’s collar and buttons on his shirt.

“Seungwoo must’ve seen it, then,” Seungyoun says, strained. He looks somewhat upset. Hangyul doesn't know what to say.

“Uh, yes…? We were in the same basketball team in medical school?”

“That’s awesome,” Seungyoun nods. His eyes look glassy. _Is he mad about something?_ Hangyul ponders.

“I’m sorry for breaking in to this room, _sunbaenim_ ,”

Seungyoun suddenly snaps, standing even straighter. “It’s no problem,”

“Okay,”

“Yeah, okay,”

“I’ll see you then? I have a conference for some pediatric cancer in 15 minutes,”

Seungyoun nods again, eyes trained on something on the wall next to him.

As Hangyul runs to the conference room, he still wonders what just happened.

✻

Hangyul sits on the staffs’ waiting room beside the operating rooms. He hates to admit that this, whatever he’s doing, is _stupid_ —waiting like a schoolgirl with bento box in his hands just because he heard from Dohyon that Seungyoun’s been craving for homemade _bibimbap_. The box looks cute, though—nothing can beat her mother’s taste in design. _Hopefully Seungyoun can see his sincer—what?_ Hangyul taps his own mouth for thinking something so stupid. _What sincerity? What was that, even?_

“Hangyul?” A soft voice calls. His daydream is cut short as he stands in panic. Seungwoo and his perfect timing never fail. “Seungwoo-hyung, hi,”

“Are you waiting for a critical patient? Wouldn't it be better for you to wait in the recovery room?” Seungwoo asks.

“I was... waiting for someone,” Hangyul sheepishly says. He taps the box in his arms.

Seungwoo smiles knowingly. “Ah, young love,” he tries pulling away Hangyul’s arm so he can see the lunch box better.

“Hyung,” Hangyul whines.

Seungwoo pouts exaggeratedly. “I’m sorry, this old man just doesn't remember those times anymore, Hangyullie,”

“ _Really_ , shut up, hyung, Byungchan-hyung is not that older than me,”

“Ah, but I want to know your crush!” Seungwoo leans closer and ruffles his hair. Hangyul laughs, almost exasperated. _This weird hyung and his even weirder affection,_ he groans inside.

The door suddenly opens, revealing Cho Seungyoun in his dark blue scrubs. His eyes look focused, yet tired.

“Seungwoo- _sunbae_ ,” He greets, walking just to sling his bag around his shoulder.

“Doctor Lee,” he says, almost like he’s forgotten that Hangyul is there. He walks out so suddenly. Hangyul freezes.

“So it’s Cho Seungyoun, huh,” Seungwoo notes, waking Hangyul out of his stupor.

Hangyul stares at the door. “He saw me, right?”

Seungwoo nods. “I think so?”

“Did I give the box to him?”

Seungwoo pats his head in sympathy.

✻

Hangyul hates to admit that he’s extremely upset when at exactly 7 a.m. the next morning, there’s no message laden with thankfulness about his mother’s famous _bibimbap_ from Cho Seungyoun. Not even a message about a visit. Hangyul made sure that the junior pediatric surgeon resident, Yibo, passed the box to Seungyoun before he started another urgent laparotomy yesterday night.

“You’re sulking,” Yohan nudges his arm from beside him. The case conference is brewing down to some debate between the chief residents, and Hangyul has long learned to mute down some egotistic arguments about how some techniques are better than others. Hangyul almost forgets that Yohan is sitting next to him. The pout on his face is harder to erase. “Wow, you _are_ sulking,”

Kim Yohan, and his observant eyes. Hangyul really wishes he didn’t have such amazing talent of befriending such observant hawks like Yohan and Seungwoo-hyung. Hangyul frowns.

“I’m not,”

“You certainly are,” Yohan stage-whispers.

“Noooo,” Hangyul groans.

Kim Wooseok, one of the chief residents, master of poker face, turns around from his lower seat on the amphitheater and stares at them. He looks tired and disappointed. “Doctor Lee, Doctor Kim,”

“I’m sorry, Doctor Kim,” Yohan and Hangyul whispers in unison. Wooseok sighs and turns around to the front. Suddenly, he turns again.

“Doctor Lee Hangyul,” he calls in a soft tone, almost icy. Hangyul shivers.

“I’m sorry, _sunbaenim_ , I will concentrate,” he stares at the table in front of him. Wooseok sighs even harder.

“Meet me in front of the vending machine next to this room after this,”

“You’re dating Han Seungwoo from orthopedic surgery. Yes or no,” Wooseok says, calculative and cold. Hangyul coughs while standing up after taking out his coffee.

“What.”

“How long? What did you see in him? Why—” Hangyul interrupts his rambling senior with a brewing latte.

“I’m not dating him, _sunbaenim_!” His position must be ridiculous. He’s taller than Kim Wooseok, but now he’s standing in front of him in a defensive manner. With red paper coffee cup as his defense weapon.

“Explain.” His senior crosses his arms.

“Doctor Han… is dating a model? You know Choi Byungchan? That’s his boyfriend!” Hangyul lowers his arms as Wooseok fixes his glasses, bored. “No, uh, fiancé? I don't know the details but Seungwoo-hyung said they’re planning a wedding,” Hangyul explains.

“No, Hangyul, explain why were you acting chummy in the operating room with the infamous Han Seungwoo?”

“What.”

Wooseok grabs the latte on his hand and drank them. “You’re so much smarter than this. Explain,”

“Uh,” Hangyul gulps, fingers folding into small scared fists. “Seungwoo-hyung is my friend,” Wooseok raises his eyebrows. “He’s really my senior in high school, and he’s also my mentor in medical school, so he’s like, my real hyung other than Jaehyun-hyung?”

“Okay,” Wooseok takes one step closer to him. Intimidating.

“Uh, um. He… was teasing me about the lunch box,” Hangyul scratches his not itchy neck. “I was about to give it to Doctor Cho,”

“And yet!” Wooseok suddenly screams. “Why didn't you give it to him personally?”

“He stormed out when I was about to give it to him,” Hangyul says, exasperated. “I really wanted to give it to him and told him to eat it quickly because my mother didn't put preservative sachet inside the box,” _but he doesn't even want to look at me,_ he adds inside his head.

Wooseok clicks his tongue.

“Do you like him?”

“What.”

“Wooseokie!” A voice cuts through. Wooseok turns around so suddenly. Hangyul sees the change from a deadly tiger to a smitten, small cat. Hangyul shivers. _Saved by Lee Jinhyuk,_ he sighs. The neurosurgeon fellow stares at Hangyul’s weird defensive position.

“Jinhyukie,” Wooseok answers.

“Lee Hangyul?” Jinhyuk calls. “Uh, yes, _sunbaenim_?”

“Are you okay?”

Wooseok walks so that he stands beside Jinhyuk. Hangyul pats down his coat and shrughs. “Perfectly fine, _sunbaenim_ ,”

“Tell my congratulations to Jaehyun, by the way. I’ve received the invitations for next week, but I think he’s still overseas? His number didn't work when I called him yesterday,”

Hangyul nods. “He’s in Paris with my parents, they forced him to have some new designer suits for the wedding, even though it’s going to be a small ceremony,” he cringes a little.

Jinhyuk whistles. “Jungs,” he says, laughing without malice.

“How about you and Seungwoo-ssi, though?” Jinhyuk asks.

“What about… us?” Hangyul asks back. Wooseok punches his boyfriend’s shoulder lightly. “He’s not dating him. I already asked him before you came,”

“You’re really not?” Jinhyuk laughs again. Wooseok and Jinhyuk start staring at each other, talking in some telepathic language Hangyul doesn't even want to understand.

“No, I haven’t been dating anyone since middle school,” Hangyul jokes, half-serious.

“That’s… sad,” Jinhyuk says.

Wooseok suddenly talks again. “Say, are you going to bring anyone as your plus one next weekend?”

“I haven’t decided yet. My brother said I have to, though,” Hangyul answers, unsure.

Wooseok and Jinhyuk stare at each other, creeping Hangyul out.

“Okay, you can go now,” Wooseok suddenly says. Hangyul breathes, relieved. “Excuse me, _sunbaenims_ ,”

✻

“That’s all for today,” Hangyul says, stopping in front of the cafeteria. They’ve done their visit for the day. Now Hangyul has to go to the clinic and Seungyoun has to start scrubbing in for his first surgery of the day. For some reason, today feels bittersweet.

Seungyoun looks him up and down, once, twice, then to the queue for the morning breakfast inside the cafeteria. “Good,” he looks distracted.

“Thank you for the _bibimbap_ , by the way. It’s an honor to eat your mother’s famous cooking,” he pulls out a canvas pouch out of his backpack. The lunch box is clean and safe.

“How do you know it was made by my mom?” Hangyul asks quietly, crossing his feet.

“Wooseok told me,” Seungyoun says. “I’m sorry for assuming so quickly, too. I think you’ve already concluded that I was interpreting the situation wrongly,”

“I’m not… mad, hyung. I’m just slighty upset you stormed out like you didn't know me,”

Seungyoun pulls him to the nearest emergency staircase.

“Wooseok and Jinhyuk were spying on us from the cafeteria,” Seungyoun laughs.

Hangyul stares at his senior. “Okay? Do you have anything to say that’s so important to be said in private?”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn't act so rashly,”

“I just don't understand your reasoning, to be honest,” Hangyul stares at the wall behind him. “Is it so weird that I’m dating Doctor Han?”

“What? No,”

Seungyoun ruffles his own hair. “Look, I…”

“I’m sorry if it weirded you out, hyung. I know I look kind of pale in comparison to Seungwoo-hyung,”

“Listen,”

Hangyul sighs. “Hyung, I’m sorry,”

“Gosh, why are you even sorry,” Seungyoun leans on the wall.

“For… everything, I guess,” Hangyul rummages his bag for a gold-colored invitation. “Ah, also, Doyoung-hyung invites you to his wedding next weekend. I already RSVP’ed for you, so please come,”

Seungyoun looks exasperated. “You don't even know why you are sorry, why are you saying sorry?”

Hangyul grins sadly. “I don't think you remember,” Hangyul pulls out a white envelope, a letter of statement that he has finished his rotation. “I was about to give this to your department’s secretary. It’s Friday, hyung, my rotation is ending this week. I made too many mistakes, of course I have to say sorry,”

Seungyoun gapes. “Oh,” he grabs the gold-colored envelope.

Hangyul smiles. “See you next weekend, hyung. I hope today’s monthly report goes well,”

The door closes as Hangyul walks out from the emergency stairs.

When Seungyoun starts his report in the hall, Hangyul’s eyes turn glassy. _You’re dumb, Lee Hangyul,_ his mind screams.

✻

As the party gets even wilder, Hangyul gets even lonelier. Yohan and Yuvin stand in the middle of the crowd, celebrating their engagement. Yuvin’s apartment is decorated nicely with Yohan’s favorite color, and Seo Johnny from Yuvin’s department, urology, plays DJ for the night. The apartment is bustling with people from SNU hospital, genius minds trapped in the bodies of drunken people.

Hangyul walks away from it all, pulling himself sluggishly to the kitchen. Yohan seems preoccupied with his happiness and Hangyul feels bad for having such low mood. It's Saturday, his favorite day of the week, yet he’s here sulking in the kitchen like a loser. He downs another shot, his third for the night, and he feels his vision blurring on the corner. He doesn't even want to know if it’s tears or just him starting to get drunk. He starts leaning on the counter. He knocks his head lightly to the kitchen cabinet, trying to clear his mind.

Surely he can go out without anyone knowing—

“Are you okay?” Great. Just great.

Cho Seungyoun is handsome, that’s a known fact. Today he looks like he’s coming out from instagram feeds of some fashion influencer Jaehyun follows. Black hair secured by a knit headband, glasses, white T-shirt and… lord, is that ripped jeans. His shoes are painted yellow and denim, and it should look tacky, but this is Seungyoun. He looks amazing, and Hangyul just wants to cry.

“Well, I was a bit dizzy, but I’m okay now,”

“Do you need water?”

Hangyul stares at the person worrying in front of him. “Your shirt is wet,” He can see traces of sparkling wine on Seungyoun’s torso. It shouldn't be distracting, but it is. “Yeah, Kookheon spilled his wine on me when he insisted on dancing to _Fancy_ ,” Seungyoun snorts.

There’s another trace on his shirt. Intricate lines on his hip, looking like a tattoo. And as Hangyul’s mind turns mushy, he blurts out a question he instantly dreads. “Is that a… tattoo.”

“Huh?” Seungyoun turns from the water dispenser, holding a red cup filled with water.

“Yeah. It’s a gun tattoo from my rebel days,” Seungyoun laughs to an inside joke.

“A… gun,” Hangyul repeats.

Seungyoun looks at him—really looks at him like he’s some deer caught in the headlights. Hangyul should breathe, but he really can’t.

“Do you want to see it? It was fucking painful to make, but it surely looks great,” Hangyul fully gulps the cup of water that’s put on his hand. This guy, his senior with a goddamn gun tattoo, just cursed in front of him. His throat suddenly feels too dry. _Do I want to see it. Ha._

Hangyul hops down from the counter. “Um,” Hangyul stares at the marbled table.

Seungyoun doesn't give him a chance to answer. He pulls his shirt up, drenching the knot that’s spilled with the water from the sink. The fabric that rides up reveals an intricate texture of a gun handle, pointing at his dick. _Okay. Okay._ Hangyul definitely doesn't panic.

Hangyul goes completely frozen, eyes trained on the flat, hard plane of his senior’s abdomen. _This night goes really weirdly,_ his mind buzzes.

Hangyul aches to touch, to feel, to wonder if the texture splayed on Seungyoun’s stomach is as smooth as a real gun handle. He can’t refrain from leaning closer, cold fingers curiously trailing the hem of his T-shirt above the tattoo.

The first touch to the tattoo makes Seungyoun’s breath hitch. Hangyul looks up, and he’s surprised to see Seungyoun’s eyes glazed with blatant _want_. His wrist is circled by Seungyoun, a sign to keep going.

Hangyul traces the tattoo, almost enchanted by the delicate lines that’s scattered around the older man’s abdominal muscles. This is his senior, and this is a party, and they’re not supposed to be like this here. But all rational thoughts go out of the window when Seungyoun traces his hair, fingers lightly pulling. As the pressure gets harder, Hangyul lets out a noise that’s close to a moan. The older man lets Hangyul’s head to lie on his chest as he heaves. He feels a hot, pulsing desire on his veins and he moans again as Seungyoun grabs his jaw, making him look up. Seungyoun looks dazed.

“Why are you so fucking gorgeous,” Seungyoun leans closer with his eyes closed shut, their noses touching. Hangyul’s hands wander to Seungyoun’s waist and the older man hisses from the coldness of his fingertips.

Hangyul pinches the gun-adorned stomach, eyes crinkling in amusement. “I’m fucking gorgeous? Have you even looked at yourself?”

Hangyul doesn't know he’d want someone this badly. To crave someone so badly his knees started to shake when Seungyoun pushes him to the counter. When Seungyoun calmly whispers, “Can I kiss you?” Hangyul could only yank him impossibly closer, thighs pressing on the counter.

It’s desperate, the way they kiss—like two meteors colliding without a way to escape but to be ruined together. It’s hot and Hangyul almost cries from how good it feels. His brain halts when Seungyoun squeezes his thighs and kisses his jaw at the same time, unable to process the sensations. Hangyul has kissed many people before, but no kisses felt this scorching, no kisses burn his insides so evenly. His toes curl when Seungyoun’s expert tongue explores his mouth and a wanton moan escapes.

Seungyoun groans when Hangyul bites his lower lip. He starts to manhandle Hangyul to sit on the counter, and Hangyul nearly cries from how good it feels to be in his arms.

They keep kissing for god knows how long, only stopping to breathe. Seungyoun’s eyes are filled with desire and it almost shocks Hangyul to see someone wanting him this much. They lean closer to each other, Hangyul’s head on Seungyoun’s clavicle.

“Do you want to go back to my apartment?” Seungyoun whispers, a silent promise.

Seungyoun is the first one to lean in as they arrive in the apartment. He goes gentler this time, small kisses splattered on Hangyul’s slack jaw as he pushes Hangyul deeper into the apartment.

“I’ve been waiting to do this for so long, you have no idea,” Seungyoun whispers against his neck. It's a raw confession, one he never expects coming out of the older’s mouth—Hangyul’s chest flutters at the implication. He tightens his hold on Seungyoun’s waist, fingers toying with the buttons of Seungyoun’s jeans.

Suddenly feeling motivated, Hangyul steps back and takes off his shirt. He knows tomorrow's Hangyul would feel so embarrassed by this, but he kisses Seungyoun’s ear and whispers, “Then what are you waiting for?”

The hitch of Seungyoun’s breath on his skin sparks something brave, and he yanks Seungyoun’s belt open, shaky fingers cupping the older’s erection. Seungyoun curses, an unholy ‘God’ laced with sin.

“Bedroom, love,” Seungyoun squeezes Hangyul’s thighs, pulling him from the wall. He circles his arm around Hangyul. “Studio, living room, bathroom, kitchen, and… bedroom,” Seungyoun gives a quick tour, pointing from behind Hangyul while still kissing his neck. Hangyul feels satisfied to see glimpses of the older man's daily life.

He's suddenly feeling a lot of sensations at once. His heart starts palpitating inside his ribcage—the rushing blood flow almost feels like a murmur. He's splayed on Seungyoun's bed, legs spread open, one of Seungyoun's hands kneading his thigh as the other grips at the base of his dick.

“Your thighs are driving me insane,” Seungyoun groans against the supple part of Hangyul’s inner thigh, painting it blue and purple.

Hangyul already predicted that Seungyoun is capable in bed. Seungyoun blows like he’s trying to make him lose his mind, tongue teasing around the underside, licking down to Hangyul's balls. Hangyul grabs a fistful of Seungyoun's black hair, yanks it, whispers, “Hyung, stop—”

Seungyoun goes up, up, and up, until he reaches Hangyul’s nipples, and mercilessly toys with them until the nubs turn pink and shiny.

“How do you want me, love?” Hangyul almost moans from the name alone, and he can feel his cock leaking.

Helpless, Hangyul whines, “Inside, _ah,_ please hyung,”

Seungyoun pinches his nipple and Hangyul screams in ecstasy. “Good, you should always tell me what you want, baby,”

Seungyoun watches Hangyul carefully the whole time his fingers are in Hangyul's hole. Like he doesn’t want to miss a single look on Hangyul's face. The prep is quick as if Hangyul is already pliant enough, Seungyoun's three fingers going in and out with ease. Once Seungyoun puts on a condom, Seungyoun brushes off his sweat-matted hair, expression suddenly turning soft. "I'm going slowly, okay?”

Hangyul nods, eager to please. Despite the meticulous preparation, the tip of his cock stretches Hangyul wider than any of his dildos or anyone ever have.

Sure, he's had one-night-stands and one serious boyfriend, but there’s absolutely no comparison. The raw, real way Seungyoun's cock makes him feel as it buries inside Hangyul, hot and slick. It hurts at first. Seungyoun goes slow and tentative, soothing kisses on Hangyul's lips, a soft hand carding through his hair. Once Hangyul is used to his size, Seungyoun moves, thrusting carefully, eyes trained on Hangyul's face. There’s a firework inside his chest, started from the way Seungyoun looks at him, how doting he’s being. Hangyul has never felt this whole, this full before. When the pace catches, Hangyul is unable to hold back his moans. Seungyoun’s cock reaches his prostate and Hangyul arches from the bed, wailing in pleasure. He knows he’s being loud, and he doesn’t care.

All he cares about is Seungyoun’s cock and how fast it pounds into him, hitting his spot over and over and over. “Good, baby, _ah_ , that’s it,” Seungyoun praises as Hangyul pushes back in every thrust. They reach their peaks together, Hangyul’s cum shooting to Seungyoun’s chest. Seungyoun falls on top of him, breathing heavily on his neck. He pulls out when Hangyul stops heaving, quickly tying the condom and putting it in the trashbin inside the bathroom. He comes back with a warm, wet towel, cleaning Hangyul’s reddened thighs and cock. Hangyul sighs, feeling so contented and sensitive. _He just wants to lie down_ , he thinks. He circles his arm around the older’s waist when Seungyoun comes back from the bathroom. _It’s okay, he just wants to lie down for a bit._

✻

Hangyul is quite surprised that life just… happens. On Sunday afternoon, Jaehyun wakes him up with a frown on his face, clearly disappointed.

“I tried calling you for a million times. Yohan crudely said you’re ‘probably being rawed open’ and that’s something I’d like to confirm myself,” Jaehyun grumbles in front of his door. Jaehyun just got back from Paris yesterday morning, bringing Hangyul’s suit.

“Just how crazy was this party?” Jaehyun clicks his tongue, offering Hangyul a cup of hot coffee. “You reek of smoke and what, cheap liquor?”

Hangyul shakes his head. “Yuvin-hyung really likes soju,”

Jaehyun circles his sitting brother. “Whoa, did you really sleep with someone? I smell a different parfume,” Jaehyun sniffs Hangyul’s old clothes. Hangyul groans.

“Okay, so what happened?” Jaehyun crosses his arms, eyes focused.

Hangyul doesn't even bother lying. “Cho Seungyoun happened,”

Jaehyun goes silent, clearly wasn't expecting that. “You… had sex. With Cho Seungyoun,”

Hangyul looks up to the ceiling. “Yeah,”

The brown-haired man frowns. “Okay, so was it a one-night-stand?” Hangyul keeps staring at the ceiling.

Sighing really loudly to express his disappointment, Jaehyun grumbles. “Are you saying that you left his apartment without any explanation?”

Hangyul rolls his eyes. “No,” he petulantly drinks his coffee. “He was awake when I left. He offered me breakfast. It was a suffocating and awkward situation, and I only said ‘See you on Monday’ like an adult,”

Jaehyun smacks his head with a napkin. “You— _babo_ , an adult would try to talk about the situation! Now _you_ don't know what that meant, _he_ doesn't know what that meant. How are you even going to face him on Monday?”

“I’m back to NICU on Monday, I’m probably not going to see him anyways,”

“Hangyul,”

Hangyul doesn't wait for more of Jaehyun’s nagging, hopping down from the chair and walks inside his bathroom. “Please just put the suit on the sofa, hyung. I’ll call the tailor we usually go to if it doesn't fit,”

“Dumbass,” Hangyul hears his brother mutter on his way out.

✻

“Dumbass is the right word,” Yohan stares at the ceiling of the pediatric residents’ break room. The truth is, he’d rather be anywhere but here, but Yohan sometimes know him better than he lets on. He pulls Hangyul to the break room once the conference ends, knowing that Hangyul basically has nothing urgent to do in the NICU.

“You’re supposed to be on my side,” Hangyul groans, rolling around the bed to face his best friend.

“Best friends are supposed to remind each other when they make mistakes,” Yohan says solemnly.

“But isn’t it childish? Asking for some confirmation or… what? Status? We fucked, it was great, does it have to have meaning?”

Yohan turns to him, arms supporting his body. He looks tired (and honestly still slightly inebriated). “You told me 4 years ago that there is nothing childish in wanting some assurance,”

“Look where I ended up with Yuvin-hyung,” Yohan pulls out his necklace.

Yohan stares at him, sighing. “Is there anything you’re afraid of? You’re not usually… this… I don't know, timid?”

“Hangyul,” Yohan sits on the bed, still staring. “Are you afraid?” Yohan echoes. His answer of ‘no’ doesn't convince the ex-athlete, disappointment and worry clear in his eyes.

“Yohan? Hangyul?” Wooseok suddenly comes out of the bathroom, gait purposeful, eyes steady. Yohan sets his mouth on a thin line. “ _Sunbaenim_ ,” Yohan nods. Once Wooseok goes out, Yohan’s mouth goes slack, cursing.

Hangyul laughs, humorless. “He heard, didn't he?”

“Wouldn't be surprised if he’s been there for a purpose,”

Yohan drops the topic after that, but he doesn't need to say anything for his concern to be heard loud and clear.

✻

Doyoung’s parents’ house has a huge garden with well-groomed open area, and despite the short preparation period, they’ve managed to decorate it beautifully. The patio was turned into a stage with an intricate arch made of Jaehyun and Doyoung’s favorite flowers. The trees are adorned with fairy lights, white curtains, and hanging glass jars where polaroids of the grooms’ relationship through the years are put. The afternoon sky, hues of purples and blues, perfects the picturesque event.

There are arrangements of flower everywhere, and Hangyul knows most of them are Jaehyun’s favorite. Jaehyun looks contented and so, so in love as he walks down the aisle, and Hangyul’s chest tightens with pride and happiness. His brother deserves all of this. Doyoung holds his brother’s hand throughout the ceremony, and cried with the guests when Jaehyun reads his heartfelt vow. This is 13 years in the making, and Hangyul can feel his eyes moistening when they start their first dance as husbands.

The rest of the ceremony passes by in a haze, and suddenly it’s Hangyul’s turn to speak as his brother’s best man.

“I’ve known them for the longest time, out of everyone here. Believe it or not, I didn't trust Doyoung-hyung at first,” the guests starts laughing with Jaehyun, “But I think it was acceptable, because Jaehyunnie-hyung and Doyoung-hyung started of as frenemies,” Hangyul chuckles. Jaehyun starts smiling, eyes proud. “I was mad because Jaehyun-hyung keeps tolerating Doyoung-hyung’s strange actions in high school. It was not his fault that Jaehyun-hyung won the student elections, and I, just like my brother, misunderstood Doyoung-hyung’s actions as hatred. When I think about it, maybe Doyoung-hyung has liked him since they met in the primary school playground. Hey Doyoung-hyung, my hyung liked you too since then,” he points to Doyoung, and the groom laughs. “I’m very happy to see them growing as two capable individuals, yet they also grow as a couple. I’m thankful to see Jaehyun-hyung so loved, and I’m giddy to see how Jaehyun-hyung loves to love Doyoung-hyung. Even when it’s hard, I hope you both are still able to hold each other’s hands,” Hangyul looks around and suddenly he meets Seungyoun’s eyes. He closes his eyes and breathes. “Cheers to the amazing couple,”

Hangyul looks around the area, a glass of flute on his hand. Yohan and Yuvin are animatedly talking with Seulgi, the wedding’s head organizer, probably discussing about their upcoming wedding next year. His parents are walking around hand-in-hand, greeting the guests jovially. His brother and his husband are dancing to _Conversations in The Dark,_ and Hangyul thinks the afternoon looks perfect like this.

As Hangyul leans on a tree trunk, a man he’s been trying to avoid yet longs for walks to him.

“Hangyul-ah,”

Hangyul smiles, a bit unsure. “Hyung,” he is quite surprised that the situation is not as awkward as he thought. “What are you doing here?”

Seungyoun tilts his head. “Wooseok and Jinhyuk ditched me to talk to Ms. Kang. I think it’s married-couples-to-be only over there,” he comically whispers. Hangyul is surprised to see Seulgi standing among sitting couples on her table. She seems to be explaining about something.

“Well, her team did a good job,” Hangyul comments. “Everything looks great, right?”

“You look great too,” Seungyoun says nonchalantly, almost like it was on reflex. Hangyul laughs. “Hyung?” He asks in a playful tone.

“I mean… yeah, everything looks great,” Seungyoun scratches his neck.

Hangyul smiles, slightly sad. “Well, I know you’ve heard this a lot, but you look great too,”

“I value your opinion,” Seungyoun smiles back, sincere. He suddenly clears his throat. “Do you… maybe… have time to talk?”

Hangyul grins. “No dinner first? Just talk?”

Seungyoun laughs. “I thought you’re already full from all the love today,” the younger man smiles, crossing his arms.

“I’m saying yes to a cup ice cream and a talking session, then,”

The older man grins back. “Call,”

Guri is a small city, surrounded by remnants of the fast-moving Seoul and the steady streams of rivers flowing in it. Between the reflection of the river and the whirring of midnight buses, there are two people walking in suits and mismatched coats.

“We look ridiculous like this,” Seungyoun complains.

“I’m sorry, Donghyun-hyung only has paddings for fishing left in his room,” Hangyul cackles, mentioning Doyoung’s older brother who lives in Japan and works as an architect.

“Aren’t you cold, though? You’re literally eating ice cream at midnight,”

“Nope. My suit is Armani, it probably has some crazy heat insulations on it,” Hangyul licks his chocolate ice cream. Seungyoun laughs, half of his face buried under his high padding collar.

“The marriage was not what I expected from the Jungs,” Seungyoun suddenly comments.

“You talk about the Jungs as if you’re talking about some family in the _makjang_ dramas, hyung,”

Seungyoun raises his eyebrows. Hangyul finishes eating the cone of his ice cream and sits on the nearest bench near the small river.

“Are you… not comfortable talking about it?”

Hangyul shakes his head. “I don't always remember that my parents are seen as this famous doctor couple. I also don't always remember that I’m a part of some medical dynasty, like the gossips always say. It doesn't shape who I am. I’m comfortable talking about my family though,”

Seungyoun sits next to Hangyul, legs stretched and arms put inside the paddings’ pockets.

“I get burdened a lot,” Seungyoun starts. His eyes soften, a bit unsure. Hangyul gets it, he really does. Hangyul is still a stranger that stands knocking in front of the door of his heart, and this—this feels like giving him his heart on a silver platter. “Even though my mother never says anything, I feel like I’m pressured to get married and continue my family’s business,”

“I’m actually very anxious, Hangyul-ah,” Seungyoun looks up to the sky. “I was upset that I don't understand what's going on between us. I’m also worried that we both don't want the same thing,”

Hangyul hesitates, a bit confused. “Are you saying that you want a grand marriage with Gangnam-styled ceremonies?”

Seungyoun turns to look at him. “That’s too far, isn’t it?” He smiles. “I’m sort of hoping I can understand how you feel about me first,”

“I think I made myself clear, to be honest,” Hangyul whispers. “It’s midnight, so I want to be as honest as possible,” he breathes. “I like you, hyung. I know it’s too fast to be called anything else. But I think, I just want you to be happy,”

“I will stop you right there first,” Seungyoun’s left hand is placed above his hand. Hangyul smiles unknowingly, comparing the length of their fingers. He turns his palm up so they’re holding hands. “I like you too, Hangyul-ah,”

“But what do you mean?”

Hangyul sighs. “I have this feeling that you want to fulfill everyone’s expectations of you,” he closes his eyes. “If we’re together, I don't want you to think that I have expectations about how you should act. I don't want to be the reason why you’re not contented. You have a very, very, bright future and a ton of responsibilities. I don't want to be an obstacle for you,”

Seungyoun tightens his hold. “Why do you think you’re an obstacle, Hangyul-ah?”

Hangyul tilts his head. “I don't know what I want,” he confesses. “Unlike Jaehyun-hyung, I’m not really sure I wanted to be a doctor. I signed up for pediatrics because it’s my highest score in _med_ school. It's not that my parents demanded me to be anything, but I just… don't know what I want most of the times. I want them to be happy, but they always seem so happy with anything I do. And that makes me not sure about my own purpose in this world,”

“Wouldn't I be an obstacle, an annoying burden for someone that’s so goal-oriented like you, hyung?” Hangyul closes his eyes and he can feel Seungyoun pulling his head to rest on his shoulder.

“You get so hung up on your flaws, love,” Hangyul can feel his heart soar from the nickname.

“I don't think that’s even a flaw, anyway,” Seungyoun continues.

“No matter how complicated I am, I think I want you to be one simple thing in my complicated life,” Seungyoun brushes the younger’s hair. “I admire your simplicity, how you see the world, and I hate the fact that you never see how wonderful you really are,”

“I want us to date, I want a relationship, I want a marriage, but I honestly only want anything you also want, and even if you don't want anything that comes with definitions, I’ll take that too,”

“Hyung,” Hangyul turns his head, smelling a mix of Seungyoun’s natural scent and his expensive perfume. “What would make you happy?”

Seungyoun taps Hangyul’s nose. “I’m happy as long as I’m with you, Hangyul-ah. You get to decide, too,”

Hangyul starts to smile. “We’re both bad at this, aren’t we?”

“You’re my dumbass, and I’ll be your stupid,” Seungyoun giggles.

“That’s cheesy,” Hangyul chuckles. He circles Seungyoun’s arm. “Then let’s just figure it out together, okay?” Seungyoun offers. Hangyul nods, feeling contented for the first time in a while.

As they walk to the villa that’s rented for Hangyul’s family, they take turns asking random questions.

“Your favorite color?”

Seungyoun swings Hangyul’s hand. “I’d usually say black, but honestly, it’s orange and blue. How about you?”

“Neons,”

Seungyoun chuckles. “Wait, really?”

“Jaehyun-hyung said it’s tacky, so I don't wear it much. Kids are usually not fond of neons, too, so I refrain from wearing neon hoodies to work,” he jokes.

“You’d look good in anything, to be honest,”

Hangyul rolls his eyes. “Now look who’s talking, Mr. Fashion Influencer,”

Seungyoun laughs, full-bodied and amused. “You stalked my Instagram, huh?”

“Kinda hard not to, since the nurses love talking about you,”

Seungyoun stands in front of the villa as they arrive. The villa looks like something out of romance drama, with light blue walls and high ceilings. The outdoor lamp tints his face with yellow hues, and Hangyul wonders if falling in love is supposed to be this easy.

“I know you’re not asking anymore,” the older man suddenly says, solemn. “But I’ve known you far long before you even noticed me. Dohyon always talks to me about this kind resident-hyung who talks so softly to kids and never gets mad at anyone, even on his worst condition. He told me who you are in the end, but I’ve always seen you as someone with purpose,”

“Isn’t being kind to people a purpose, after all?” Seungyoun continues. His hard extends to pat Hangyul’s ruffled hair.

“Good night, Hangyul-ah,”

When Seungyoun starts turning, Hangyul pulls the back of his padding. “Hyung,” Seungyoun turns around, eyes confused. “My parents already went back to Seoul,”

“Can I ask you to stay?”

They spent the night watching Netflix, sitting with banana milk from convenience store near the villa in their hands, judging medical dramas.

“This one is good, though. Sounds rational down to the drugs and methods,” Hangyul points at the TV. _Romantic Doctor, Teacher Kim Season 2_ is playing.

“Sure, but how often can you find tension pneumothorax as a complication during surgery?”

“It looks fancy on screen, hyung,”

“Well, okay,” Seungyoun lets Hangyul rests on his arm.

“Do you think the actors get some training before the shoot?” Seungyoun asks. No response. Seungyoun turns his head, and he’s instantly amused to see Hangyul fast asleep.

“He must be tired,” Seungyoun chuckles. He carefully pulls his arms and pats the younger’s head. “Good night, kiddo,”

Hangyul wakes up to an empty bed, dressed in soft pajama shirt but still in yesterday’s pants. Seungyoun must’ve carried him to the bed. He’s surprised to hear sounds from the villa’s built-in kitchen.

“You’re dressed,” Hangyul notes.

Seungyoun looks up from his position. He’s busy arranging the breakfast tray that seems to be just delivered. “Hey, kiddo,” he greets. “Yeah, I have this meeting with Prof. Lee in two hours,”

“What for? It’s Sunday,”

“Prof. Lee said it’s the only time he had, he’s going to London next week,”

Hangyul looks a bit confused. “I mean… what meeting?”

“Oh, I’m taking the board exam in three weeks, so it’s some kind of final review before the exam,”

Hangyul can feel his jaw drops. “What.”

“Yeah! It’s my last semester, remember? I think I told you in passing last month,”

“I know,” Hangyul sighs. “I mean, I don't know you’re taking the board that soon,”

Seungyoun frowns. “I’m sorry, I don't think that has been brought up in our conversations before,”

Seungyoun suddenly stands before him, hands on Hangyul’s forehead. He smoothens down the creases and smiles. “Talk to me, love,”

“It’s stupid,” Hangyul groans.

“I bet it’s not,”

Hangyul can feel his eyes moistening. “No… it’s just, I feel stupid for feeling like we’re on different pages. One night we’re like, steady, and the future seems far,” Hangyul sighs. “But now you’re telling me you’re finishing your residency in less than a month. I’m sorry… I’m just, shocked. It’s not even 7 in the morning, hyung,”

Seungyoun chuckles. “Firstly, I’m sorry. I understand if this sounds scary, but honestly I haven’t seen anything concrete in my future. That's why I said I’m willing to go with your flow. I’m not sure what I would do after the board. Maybe it’s something we can discuss later, yeah?”

Hangyul circles his arms around the older, sighing. “We’re okay, right?”

“Like always,”

✻

Days leading to the exam were spent in Seungyoun’s apartment, Netflix with headphones for Hangyul and books and journals for Seungyoun. Sometimes Hangyul helps Seungyoun study, with flash cards and mock-practical exam where Hangyul pretends to be the parents of many kinds of sick babies.

And most days, things were okay. Some days are not. Hangyul learns that Seungyoun smokes and bites his nails whenever he’s stressed. Whenever he’s not on night shifts, Hangyul would hug Seungyoun from the back, telling him things he’s finding hard to believe at his lowest state of mind.

Seungyoun lets Hangyul drive him to Incheon for his exam, and for the first time in his medical career, Hangyul asks special permission to skip morning case conference. Seungyoun looks calm, and Hangyul made sure his coffee was perfect. He also made sure Seungyoun manages to finish his mother’s homemade Korean dish as breakfast, as his mother already told Hangyul that despite his aloofness, Seungyoun is secretly attached to his mother’s cooking. The ride is quiet, but that’s expected. Seungyoun sings along to some R&B songs and Hangyul feels relieved for some sense of normalcy.

Seungyoun squeezes his hand when they arrive. “Thank you,” Seungyoun says, smiling and taking off his seatbelt.

“Hyung?”

“Yeah?”

Hangyul grins. “I believe you’ll do well today,”

Seungyoun beams, eyes crinkling. “I believe in you, kiddo,”

✻

Hangyul expects to go home with bus after his night shift. Seungyoun is in his mother’s house spending his short holiday, his brother is still in Bali spending his well-deserved extended honeymoon, and his parents are busy attending some conference in Berlin. As he walks out from the hospital building, he thinks about buying grocery and ordering Chinese food—it’s his day off, anyways, it’s his time alone after a while.

He is sort of shocked to see Seungyoun’s BMW near the bus station, clearly knowing that Hangyul would take the bus. He is even more shocked to see Seungyoun carrying a bunch of roses, clad in black suit and tie.

“Did I miss something?” Hangyul asks. He’s still wearing yesterday’s flannel shirt and sneakers, and he definitely doesn't remember putting anything on his calendar.

Seungyoun beams, seemingly amused. “I got good news,” he steps closer.

He puts his lips beside Hangyul’s ears, coy. “How do you feel, being picked up by a new pediatric surgeon?”

Hangyul’s jaw goes slack. “No way! Oh my god!” He immediately hugs Seungyoun, kissing his cheeks. “Congratulations, love,” he says, shy. The face that looks back at him is priceless. “Thank you, love,”

✻

What he also doesn't expect, is this:

Blindfolded, splayed naked on Seungyoun’s bed, while Seungyoun watches him squirm. Seungyoun said that worshipping Hangyul is a gift. Then, he coaxes him to strip down and let him do his job. What he imagined was not this, never this.

As his back hits the mattress, Seungyoun quickly yanks his black tie open and ties it behind Hangyul’s head. Hangyul knows that it heightens sensations, but he doesn't know that it would _burn_.

When Seungyoun said he’d worship him, he meant it. Seungyoun licks Hangyul’s nubs until it gets angry red and Hangyul almost cries from the sensation. Seungyoun noses into the soft area just under Hangyul’s ribcage and bites down on the flesh, sucking it into his mouth to create a mark, and Hangyul yelps at the sudden attack to one of his erogenous zones. Seungyoun suckles the spot until a dark red mark is left and Hangyul is a gasping mess squirming in the sheets.

He moves over Hangyul’s hipbones, placing chaste kisses over the softly defined ridges and down his thighs, five kisses at a time for each leg, carefully bypassing Hangyul’s erect cock.

“Are you enjoying yourself, love?” he asks, cheek resting against Hangyul’s thigh and looking up the younger’s heaving chest to his face. Hangyul’s head has dipped forwards, chin almost pressed to his chest, and even past the blindfold Seungyoun can see his face is drawn in frustration.

“Yes,” he croaks, runs his tongue over his lips and swallows hard. He holds his breath as Seungyoun cups his balls between his fingers, squeezing them gently before slipping his fingers behind them to rub over his perineum. It feels so good, but Hangyul desperately wants those fingers inside him, massaging his prostate properly and he pleads breathily for it, begging words interrupted by low moans and whimpers.

Seungyoun only hums, a high teasing sound, and bites down on the supple part of Hangyul’s thigh, sucking new marks where old ones have faded. The marks bloom so brightly on Hangyul’s skin, pretty blotches of red weaving around his thigh like a colorful tattoo.

Hangyul can feel Seungyoun's cold, lubed hand around his cock. Hangyul hisses at the sudden sensation, and he stills in shock as Seungyoun’s body suddenly opens around him. When the head of his cock is inside Seungyoun's hole, a shiver goes through his entire body and his head jerks back into the pillow as his breath is all but punched back into his lungs.

They have never done this before, and Hangyul has never imagined this to happen anytime soon. Seungyoun sinks a little further down on Hangyul’s cock before lifting off an inch again, slowly lowering himself until he is sitting in Hangyul’s lap, the younger’s cock pulsing and warm inside him. "I already prepped myself while thinking of you," Seungyoun chuckles. “Do you like this?” he whispers and lays a string of kisses along Hangyul’s jaw.

Hangyul nods quietly, humming a choked affirmative. His mouth is closed tight, fingers gripping the sheets hard. "I, _ah_ , like it so much," he reaches blindly for Seungyoun's arms. Seungyoun indulges him, hugging his lover.

His hands become a little more certain on Seungyoun’s body, sliding one up his back and rubbing his thigh with the other while he tilts his chin up in a silent request for a kiss. Seungyoun indulges him and leans his forearms into the pillow, framing Hangyul’s head, as he fits their mouths together. He lifts slightly from Hangyul’s lap and falls back again in the same movement, and they both moan loudly at the start of the pleasure that is about to come.

Hangyul holds Seungyoun against his chest as the elder rocks back and forth on his cock, keeping him as deep inside him as he can be, while their lips move in languid kisses, slow and relaxed to the rhythm of the music playing.

Seungyoun pushes himself up with his hands on Hangyul’s chest and shoulder, and looks down at him with a gentle smile on his face and in his eyes.

“I want to bloom for you,” he whispers and rubs a thumb lightly over Hangyul’s cheek. The muscles in his thighs clench as he lifts his hips until Hangyul’s cock is tugging at the outer ring of muscles in his ass and then he sinks slowly into his lap again. “ _Fuck_ , hyung,” Hangyul cries.

“Hold me,” he breathes against his lips and Hangyul wraps both arms around him, placing one hand in the small of his back and the other between his shoulders. Seungyoun frames Hangyul’s head with his arms and looms over him as they kiss and he moves with gentle undulations on Hangyul’s cock.

Hangyul moans a low, constant hum as Seungyoun’s walls rub along his length and clenches periodically around him, the slick tightness so warm and welcoming he wishes it would never end.

“Are you close?” Seungyoun asks, a breathless whisper against Hangyul’s cheek and he moans and quickens the pace of his hips for a few seconds when Hangyul groans.

“Let’s make it last then,” he says and Hangyul bites his lower lip as he pulls him back into a kiss.

Seungyoun wraps his arms around Hangyul’s neck and buries his fingers in his hair as he rolls his hips faster on Hangyul’s cock, swallowing all his moans and running his tongue over every inch of Hangyul’s mouth. They come together, dirtying their stomachs. Hangyul breathes so deeply, chest heaving. Seungyoun chuckles. “I feel really accomplished now,” he says. He pulls the knot of the makeshift blindfold off, letting Hangyul adjust to the light.

Hangyul whines. “Hyung,” he half-hugs Seungyoun, burying his head on Seungyoun’s arm.

“Are you sleepy, love?” Seungyoun asks. The younger nods, eyes drooping.

“I’m sorry, I think I went too hard on you. Go sleep, I’ll clean us up, yeah?” Seungyoun kisses Hangyul’s eyelids.

“Thank you, Doctor Cho Seungyoun… pediatric surgeon,” Hangyul mumbles sleepily. Seungyoun chuckles, running his fingers through Hangyul’s hair. “You’re welcome, love. You’re welcome,”

✻

Hangyul wakes up to the sight of Cho Seungyoun’s face, illuminated by moonlight. He takes a peek to the clock on the nightstand. It’s past midnight. Seungyoun sleeps peacefully next to him, face relaxed. _I must have been sleeping like a log since morning,_ Hangyul thinks.

Hangyul pats down his thighs. He’s amused to find that Seungyoun even managed to put on his favorite pajama pants and changes the sheets while he slept.

“Hangyul? You’re awake?” Seungyoun yawns.

“About time, right?” Hangyul noses Seungyoun’s neck.

Seungyoun laughs hoarsely. “I didn't have the heart to wake you up. Was the shift that hectic?”

“It’s flu season for babies and children around Seoul,” Hangyul complaints. “But thanks to you I can properly sleep,” Hangyul wriggles his eyebrows. Seungyoun almost cackles. “You’re ridiculous, do you know that?”

“I know,” Hangyul laughs with him.

“I haven’t asked you yet,” Hangyul puts his arm as support as he turns to Seungyoun.

“Hmm?”

“So you’re… going to have graduation, right? Today was just the announcement day? I didn't miss anything?”

Seungyoun smiles, fingers brushing the creases on Hangyul’s forehead. “Yeah,” he laughs. “Sorry for not being clear, it was an unofficial announcement from the head of the board. The actual graduation is next month,”

Hangyul smiles. “Congratulations again, by the way,”

The older man’s eyes soften. “Thank you again,”

“I heard about the Busan offer, by the way,” Hangyul tries to look happy.

Seungyoun laughs. “It’s not only Busan that gives good offers,”

“Further than that?” Hangyul starts to look worried.

“Closer,” Seungyoun answers mysteriously.

Seungyoun sits leaning on the headboard, letting Hangyul lie on his thighs. He brushes the younger’s fading hair, fond. “Before that, I want to ask you something,”

Hangyul looks up, humming.

“Are we still on the same page about our relationship?” Seungyoun sighs, looking away. “I mean, if it comes down to that. Are you comfortable not going with anyone else, even when I’m far?”

Hangyul slowly sits beside him, head turning to the side. “What if I say I want more than that?”

“What do you mean?”

Hangyul smiles. “I’d like to hold your hands and tell everyone I’m the one who loves you the most,” he takes Seungyoun’s hand, lacing it slowly. “I want to be the first one who knows your accomplishments and be the one who holds you when it gets tough,”

“I’m very comfortable being with you. So would you be with me, hyung?”

Seungyoun laughs at this. “Boyfriends, you mean?” he says jokingly.

“Well if you want to be childish like that, okay, boyfriends,” Hangyul pokes out his tongue. Seungyoun brushes Hangyul’s cheek, smiling.

“Okay, boyfriend, let me tell you this,” Seungyoun turns back, taking an envelope from the nightstand.

“I signed a contract… with your parents’ new hospital in Incheon,”

Hangyul’s mouth opens. “Wow,”

“I talked to my mother, and I told her I’m not ready to take her role from the business side. I realize I enjoy operating instead of managing hospitals, so I choose this. No pressure. Just me, doing what I want,”

Seungyoun squeezes Hangyul’s hand, tears pooling on the corners of his eyes. Hangyul finally smiles, feeling the tears clouding his eyes.

_“I see a future where we both can bloom, Hangyul-ah. And I want you there with me,”_

In lieu of a reply, Hangyul squeezes back.

**Author's Note:**

> you can tell that this is very, very self indulgent. I really think jaehyun and hangyul could pass as brothers--I'd be disappointed to pass the opportunity to put them as loving brothers (and shh, pardon my hidden dojae agenda there). 
> 
> thank you to the loveliest mods who work so hard for this fest, and thank you for reading!
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/adashofblue)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/denimblues)


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